


It Started with Cigarettes // dreamnotfound

by cassola



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:55:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29033535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassola/pseuds/cassola
Summary: George is tired of living in New York but it's hard to move when you don't have the money. To save up, he moves to a cheaper place. Still miserable, and to add salt to the wound, the constant smell of smoke and an intimidating neighbor seems to follow him everywhere.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Kudos: 32





	1. Moving and Smokes

It was never my intention to live in New York for as long as I did. I expected myself to move as soon as I got the chance, but obviously, that didn't happen. I couldn't afford to move to another state but I could afford a new place. A new apartment. Although I have never been able to keep up with the pace of change, I knew this would be good for me. Getting out of the area I lived in would be beneficial. Cheaper, yet still incredibly expensive. Maybe living in this slightly cheaper area would allow me to save enough money to move away. Like away, away. Not one or two towns over, actually away. Out of this dirty city. The city where the streets are laced with garbage and gum that has been trampled on so many times it has turned black. The city where everyone thinks it would be a wonderful place to live. The city never sleeps is what they say. At first glance, you would think that to be an exciting thing. However, it has turned out to be more exhausting rather than exciting. At least I can sleep easy knowing that tomorrow is the start of preparing for a new life. Tomorrow is the day where I will stop fantasizing about leaving because I will be on the path of making that dream a reality.

  
I am woken up by the light that crashes through my curtains. They never struggle to let the light come through, for they are sheer and worn down. My house was scattered with boxes filled with all of my belongings and it was now time to load the U-haul truck. I made sure to put the boxes with essential items into the back of my car, considering I would arrive before the U-haul. I was never close with any of my neighbors and I was the only person in my family to live in the states, so loading the truck would be a job left to me alone. Thankfully, I was able to get the U-haul driver to help me with the furniture. After getting the plethora of boxes and furniture into the truck, I was finally ready to drive to my new apartment.

  
It was about a forty-five-minute drive due to all of the traffic but I didn't mind. Driving was somewhat of an escape for me I would say. I was able to listen to music and be alone with my thoughts. I also enjoyed looking at the scenery when going to new places. Even though everything looked dull to me, I like seeing things I wouldn't normally get to see. Unfortunately, this wasn't scenery. It was all stuff I have seen before. The tall buildings with no personality. The bustling sidewalks that were littered with trash. I was certain you could see the carbon emissions in the air. The city didn't require my vision to dull it. It did that on its own. Or that's how I view it. I think living here for so long has changed my perspective.

  
I finally managed to arrive at my new apartment. I hopped out of my car just to be greeted with the smell of cigarette smoke. A tall man stood right beside the steps, cigarette pinched between his middle and index finger. Intimidating. I hoped that he was merely a stranger just stopping to have a smoke but I decided not to dwell on it too much, for I wanted to get my stuff inside as soon as possible. As I grabbed my first box, I shot a glance at the man, only for him to look up at me with an annoying look gracing his face. I quickly glanced away and gathered what I could. I was determined to take as few trips as possible, for I did not want to be in his presence alone for a long time. I opened the door and was met with a staircase and a shallow hallway. There were two doors within the hallway, presumably being apartments. I was on the second floor, so I continued up the staircase. After going up the flight of stairs, I walked down to the end of the short hallway that was up there. There I was presented with two doors. Right across from each other. I opened the door on the right and walked into the unfinished wasteland that was my new apartment. It was significantly smaller than my old one but it would have to do. I reminded myself that living here would allow me to get away from this city. I placed the box from my car down and began to go back downstairs to retrieve my other things. I walked out of the building and the man was still outside, infecting his lungs with the smoke from the paper addiction. I grabbed more of my things and proceeded to bring them up to my new home. It took me four trips to get all the stuff from my car.

As I was waiting for the U-haul to arrive, I began unpacking the few boxes that I had. Whilst doing so, I heard a slam from across the hall. The neighboring door.

I returned outside as the U-haul pulled up. The tall, intimidating man was gone. I felt somewhat relieved but I am not sure why. I ignored my feelings and spent the rest of my day loading my new apartment with my old things. It felt a little bit contradictory I guess. I was in a new place with all the same stuff so was it a new start? No matter how much I wanted to purchase new furniture I knew that it would only set me back. I set up my bed that day so I would at least have somewhere to sleep. Or at least I thought. My first night there I was expecting it to be a little tough to sleep because of such a big change, but instead, I was greeted by the screams of pleasure coming from across the hall. Damn these thin walls. I lay wide awake staring at the ceiling. I tried to tune out the noise but to no avail. I finally got up to grab my headphones so I could listen to some music. I needed to escape the noise. I shuffled my favorite Spotify playlist and let the sweet sounds of music envelop me. I somehow drifted off to sleep with the music distracting me from the outside world. I wouldn't describe what just happened as pleasant but I guess it was somewhat comforting, knowing that this was the beginning of my journey to freedom.

I had been living in my new apartment for about a week. Only ever leaving to get groceries. I am still yet to meet my neighbor who lives across from me, however, I think I would rather not. I don’t even know what I would say to them.

The day went on as expected. I got up quite late in the morning but that was no surprise to me. I essentially just worked all day. Wasting away as I sat at the little white table in my apartment, working hopelessly long hours without the chance of escape. Every bite of food I had felt like a vacation. A vacation that was short-lived and too good to be true. I watched as the day slowly became darker. I became so burnt out. It felt like if I sent another email I would fall over and die. Thankfully I had finished almost everything I needed to that day and I could finally be done. I decided to go out on the small balcony that extended from my living room. I needed fresh air. Even if that air was incredibly polluted. I closed my computer and slowly stood from my seat. My legs felt as if they weighed forty pounds and my back cracked as it finally straightened. Being slumped over in that chair all day really took a toll on my body. I walked over to the door that led to the balcony and slid it open. It took a surprising amount of force to pry it from its previous state. It must have been a while since someone last went out there. I practically fell onto the platform, taking in as much of the musky night air I could. It smelled smokier than I remembered.

I know that the New York air is anything from clean but this was a more traceable scent. I looked to my left to see none other than the tall, intimidating man. The same one from when I first moved it. I examined him a lot more closely this time. He was wearing black trousers and a white button-up shirt. I don't know if I could even call it a button-up considering a good amount of the buttons were not buttoned, exposing part of the man's chest. It was loosely tucked into his trousers which were secured with a black belt. Was he wearing this last time? Maybe this is why he seemed so intimidating. Most people don’t wear suits as casual clothing.

More smoke began to creep over to my ledge and with every breath I took I inhaled more of it. I had only been out there for about a minute and a half. He was still yet to acknowledge me. I could tell he knew I was there. He was tense and had a half preoccupied look on his face, just like the first time I saw him. The smoke began to become unbearable but something told me not to go inside but rather to say something.

I turned to him and said, “Those are really bad for you, y’know.” He glanced at me, only to quickly avert his eyes back to the streets and inhale another mountain of smoke and nicotine. “They can really damage your lungs,” I tried again. He turned to me completely this time. He dropped the cigarette onto his platform and stepped on it, putting it out. He gave me a sarcastic smile and turned back towards the street. He rested his forearms on the ledge and closed his eyes. He looked like he was at peace with himself. After a minute or so I turned back to him. “Thank you,” I stated. I feel like I shouldn't have said anything. I broke him away from his peaceful state and I felt the guilt slither up my back and breathe on my neck. He stood up straight and turned to me as if expecting something. I felt the guilt get replaced with slight fear. I stumbled on my words but managed to spit out, “I’m George.” He could see I was visibly flustered. He smirked and began to walk towards the sliding door that led to his apartment. As he grabbed onto the handle I spoke again.

“When someone introduces themselves you usually do the same in return,” I commented. He just stopped and looked at me. “So are you going to tell me your name or just keep staring at me?”

“Clay,” the man stated. His voice was smooth and mysterious. It perfectly matched his intimidating presence. I stood there and looked at him. The night breeze moved his hair in front of his face a bit. “What are you staring at?” he asked while pushing his hair away from his face. His tone was not demanding, it was somewhat calm and collected.

“Oh, I…” I trailed off. He smirked at me and turned back to the door. I thought of asking about why he was casually wearing a suit without the blazer but I held back my temptations, for I did not want to bother him any more than I probably did. He slid open the glass door and stepped inside. He turned back around to close it and caught me still examining him.

“You are going to stay out here?” he asked. 

“I will probably go inside soon, I just wanted a bit more fresh air.”

“Okay then,” he said. I was about to tell him to have a good night but he closed the door before I got the chance. I don’t know how to describe our first real encounter. It felt artificial. But aren’t all first encounters like that? I took a few more hefty breaths in before returning inside. I grabbed s glass of water and took a sip. Feeling the water rush down my throat was comforting and it made me forget about what just happened for a moment. That moment quickly faded as I laid in bed looking at the ceiling. All of the thoughts of what just happened came flooding back into my head for some reason. They took over my brain as a tossed and turned. I was not thinking about anything, in particular, just the entire encounter. Soon, those thoughts began to slip away one by one, leading me closer to the deep sleep that is so familiar. Once sleep came close enough, I grasped onto it, and it enveloped me. My shallow breaths filled the air and for the first time since moving here, I actually slept quite well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, this is the first fanfiction that I am writing so it may be a little scuffed. There isn't much to say... I just hope you enjoy it. I doubt anyone will read this but if you do I hope you enjoy it :D


	2. Coffee and Smokes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I looked up at him again, however, instead of looking back down at my phone, I took in every detail.

I woke up on my own this morning. I did not have to bring the curtains from my old apartment with me because this place had blinds. These blinds actually did their job and kept the light out so I didn’t have to wake up with the sun piercing my eyes. 

I hobbled out of bed to the kitchen and on my way, I caught a glance at the sliding door. All of the thoughts came rushing back to me of what happened just hours prior. But why? Nothing particularly eventful happened that night, I merely greeted my neighbor. After a second, I decided to continue with my morning rather than let those thoughts consume me. I woke up feeling quite hungry so I poured myself a bowl of cereal. I opened up the fridge to get some milk to go along with it and was greeted with the hollow interior of my fridge. The first time I went to get groceries, I bought a light load. I felt it was unnecessary to purchase a lot of items. I went through my first batch of groceries quite quickly. I needed to go get more.

I brushed my teeth and changed my clothes. There was a little market a couple of blocks down, so there was no need to grab my car keys. I most likely would be unable to find parking and a little bit of exercise was good anyway. I also thought of possibly getting coffee on the way there. After about fifteen minutes of preparation, I grabbed my house keys and set off to get some groceries. I left making sure to lock the door behind me and began to walk down the short hallway. I walked down the stairs and out the main door and began making my way.

I never looked up as I walked. I always kept my head down. Looking at my shoes and the disgusting sidewalk. I was walking for about one minute and the familiar smell hit me like a truck. Cigarette smoke. Normally I would ignore it and continue to walk with my eyes pinned to the ground but this time I decided to look up and find the culprit. Maybe it was Clay. I perked my head up and scanned in front of me. I locked eyes on who held the cigarette and I picked up the pace so I could catch up to them. Shortly after I increased my speed, I stopped. I stopped because I realized the person who wielded the rolled tobacco was short and round. Nothing like Clay. Clay was tall and fit.

I saw the plump man turn a corner and felt a wave of relief wash over me. I would not have to breathe in any more of the smoke that was produced by the cigarette. 

I had walked about five city blocks at this point and I still had two more to go. However, I remembered the coffee shop that I wanted to go to when I left so I took a detour and turned the corner at the end of the sixth block. It was only two buildings down so this was not much extra effort. I walked into the shop and was immediately hit with the strong aroma of coffee grinds. I went to go stand in line and looked up at the menu. It was my turn to go order and I got a flat white. I paid and went over to a table to wait. I scanned my surroundings to find a table to sit at and I spotted one in the corner of the shop. As I was walking over to the empty table in the corner, someone caught my eye. It was none other than Clay. He was sitting at the counter. I didn’t want to bother him again, he didn’t seem to like me that much. So I sat down at the table and pulled out my phone. I opened Twitter but I couldn’t help looking up to glance at Clay. All of my quick looks lasted about three seconds at most but this next one lasted a little longer.

I looked up at him again, however, instead of looking back down at my phone, I took in every detail. He was wearing a suit again, but it was accompanied by a blazer this time. The same few buttons were opened and his chest was exposed. Partially. I watched it rise and fall with every breath from afar. It looked smooth. Touchable. I moved my gaze up a bit and saw part of his collar bones. They were defined. They could cut glass. I shifted my gaze once more up to his hair. He pushed it back out of his face. I followed his hand as it fell to his side and he continued to stare at his phone. I don’t know how long I was staring at him but I finally broke my eyes away when I heard my name being called. I had to go up to the counter where Clay was to retrieve my drink. I put on a brave face and walked to the counter as if I didn’t even notice him. I grabbed my coffee and walked back over to the table in the corner. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him glance at me. I ignored it and sat down. I sat at the table taking small sips of my flat white. I tried to avoid looking at Clay because I didn’t want him to see me staring. I finished my drink and finally looked up. He was gone. He must have left while I was finishing my drink. I gathered my things and walked out of the coffee shop. The second I walked out, I got hit by cigarette smoke for the second time today. I looked to my left to see smoke protruding from an alleyway. It had to be Clay.

I walked towards the alley, the stench of smoke only getting stronger, and as I turned into it, I saw him. He was leaning against the wall of the alley, with one leg bent as his foot was pushed against the wall. He was looking at his phone with the cigarette held between his teeth. He blew out a long string of smoke and it wafted over towards me. I was going to say something but I was unable to think of anything.

“Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna tell me off?” he asked, catching me off guard. He didn’t look up from his phone

“You should stop smoking… as I said before it isn’t good for you.”

“Oh come on now,” he muttered, “I’ll be fine.” His voice was low and intimidating.

I opened my mouth to respond but no words came out. He stood with the same sour expression that he always had. After a few more seconds of uncomfortable silence, he took the cigarette between his middle and index finger. He loosened his grip and let it fall. He stepped on it to put it out and I saw a small puff of smoke escape his lips. He looked at me with a mature expression and began to step in my direction.

He walked towards me with no regard for personal space. He leaned down a bit and I could feel his warm breath on my ear.

“See you later,” he paused. “Georgie.”

His breath caressed my neck and a shiver shot down my spine. He sauntered away and turned to walk in the direction of the apartment. I stood there for a second trying to gather my thoughts. My eyes darted back and forth until eventually fixating on the crushed cigarette. I stared at it for a moment and eventually snapped out of my entanglement of thoughts and ideas.

Groceries.

I still hadn’t gotten my groceries.

I walked up the last block and into the market on the corner. I roamed the isles getting things that would hopefully last for more than a week. Whilst walking around the store, looking for items I needed, the thoughts came rushing back. “Georgie,” I thought to myself. I couldn't figure out if he was teasing me or if he was genuinely annoyed. I could picture both looks on his face. But I would never truly know if he held that irritated look as he whispered in my ear or if he was smirking at the fact he could make the hairs on my arms raise. I took a deep breath and tried to forget about it yet again. I took my things and paid at the register. Then I left.

I walked with authority back to the apartment, bags in hand. It had only been a little over a week since I moved in and I had already encountered Clay three times. I had only ever spoken a couple of sentences to him but it seemed like he knew everything about me. I don’t know why I am still dwelling on this. I should just forget about it and move on. But I can't. He has infiltrated my brain and he has no plans on leaving. I came upon the steps of my apartment and opened the main door. Up the stairs and down the hall I went. Clay stayed on my mind the entire time. Even once I entered my apartment and unpacked my groceries he was still there, dancing around in my thoughts. I eventually decided that the best way to get Clay out of my head was to ignore him. It's not like we were friends anyway. So I would just avoid him. If I smelled smoke I would keep my head down and keep walking. But that turned out to be more difficult than I first expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie there is so much I hate about this chapter. I don't know how to write haha. just keep swimming... I hope this is somewhat entertaining lol the story will pick up soon :D anyway that's all have a good day luvs


	3. Encounters and Smokes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His breath traced my neck and sent a wave of energy down my spine.

I finished putting away my groceries and finally had something to eat. It was almost two in the afternoon and I was starving. I threw together a Ceasar salad with the fresh ingredients I had just purchased. After I finished my food, I put my dishes away and sat on the couch. There wasn’t much to do today, I didn’t have work and it’s not like I wanted to go anywhere. I scrolled on my phone for a little while when suddenly it started to ring.

My mother was calling me. I picked up after the first ring and she greeted me with a warm hello. It had been quite a while since we last spoke. We weren’t on bad terms or anything, just busy. I texted her every now and again and would inform her when important things were happening, however, it had been a while since I last heard her voice. It felt nice talking to her. We primarily talked about me and how my life was going. I could tell that she missed talking to me considering that every time I attempted to change the conversation back to her, she would somehow manage to bring it back to me quite quickly.

We talked for about an hour and it was great. I realized that it must have been late for her and somehow convinced her to wind down. She reluctantly agreed and told me to call her more. I should really visit soon.

After the call ended, I sat on my phone until I got hungry again. I boiled some water and let the handful of dry pasta slide into the pot. I made some simple bolognese sauce to go along with it. I strained the pasta and put it in a bowl. I poured the sauce on top of it and ate at the counter. It wasn’t half bad. As I was eating I heard a door open. Clay’s door. I heard a woman's voice and rolled my eyes. I guess it will be another sleepless night. I heard the door shut. I snapped out of my thoughts and put my bowl in the sink. 

It was around seven at night now. I hadn’t done much besides listening to the voices coming from the other complex. I needed to shower. I got my clothes from my room and a towel from the linen closet. I turned on the water and let it warm up to a good temperature. I went to a Spotify playlist with one song and let it play on loop for the duration of my shower. It was dark. Not pitch black but dark. I like showering in the dark, it is calming and euphoric. The four-minute song had played four times before I turned off the water. I stepped out and dried off. I changed into my clean clothes and then sat down on the couch in the living room. 

I turned on Netflix and started watching a movie. I had already seen it before so it was mainly to tune out the noise coming from Clay’s apartment. I somehow managed to doze off while on my phone and woke up to commotion at around twelve-thirty.

My vision was hazy as I tried to adjust to the light. The movie was more than over. I heard yelling coming from Clay’s apartment. I couldn’t make out what they were saying but they were obviously in an argument of some sort. I sat in silence trying to form any possible words out of the muffled sentences. Eventually, I heard stomping footsteps and a door slam. I guess she left.

I heard some more muffled sentences, and then I heard a bottle break. Nobody was there anymore so I knew he wasn’t going to do anything to anyone. Maybe I should check on him.

No. I was trying to avoid him.

However, I wanted to make sure he was okay. My internal debate was interrupted when I heard Clay scream. It was loud enough that I could make out the word.

“Fuck!” 

I really wanted to go check on him. It wouldn’t be anything bad, right? It was neighborly. I finally decided to stand my ground and avoid him. He didn’t seem to like me anyway and it isn't my place to get in his business. I was about to stand up and go to my room when I heard a knock at my door. Part of me was praying that it wasn’t him but the other part of me was hoping I would open the door to see him standing there. I stood up and walked to the door.

My neck felt hot all of a sudden.

I pulled open the door to see Clay standing there. His hair was a mess and the hickey on his neck was raging. His suit was a lot more disheveled than usual. It was fully unbuttoned now and it wasn’t tucked in like it normally was. He also wasn’t wearing a belt. He was holding a half-empty bottle of vodka. Why would he bring it with him? He looked tired.

“Hello-” Clay cut me off.

“Do you have a lighter?”

“Do I have a lighter?” I repeated back to him.

“Yeah I can’t find mine,” he said. He was speaking clearly and was standing steadily so I assumed he had just started drinking the vodka even though half of it was gone. It hadn’t hit him yet.

“You are asking me of all people for a lighter? How drunk are you?” I asked knowing he was mostly sober.

“I’m not,” he took another swig of vodka, “yet.”

I scoffed. “I do have a lighter but I’m not giving it to you.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Why not?” he asked.

“I am not going to give you a lighter so you can smoke a cigarette.”

“I’m not going to smoke a cigarette.”

I was a little shocked but I didn’t believe him. “Okay, then what are you going to use it for?” I asked.

He paused for a moment. “Weed.”

I sighed in disappointment and placed my fingers on my temples as I rubbed small circles into them.

“Please?” he asked.

“No.” 

“But I need to feel free,” he stated. “I want to relax and get high. I wanna smoke my problems away.”

He began to stop thinking before he spoke. He began to raise the half-empty bottle up to his lips but I grabbed his wrist before he could drink any more of it.

“Kinky.”

“Oh my God,” I said grabbing the glass bottle out of his hand.

“You can’t just take that,” he said, “that’s mine, it’s my property.”

“Well, it isn’t anymore.” I turned back into my apartment and walked over to the fridge. The cabinet above the fridge is where I kept the little alcohol that I owned. I expected him to stand outside until I went back to the door but while I was reaching for the cabinet I felt something press up against me.

“Do you need help,” he paused for half a second and then finished his sentence, “Georgie?” His breath traced my neck and sent a wave of energy down my spine. He knew what he was doing. He had to. He could feel me grow flustered. His body was pushed upright against my back. There was no way he couldn’t hear my heartbeat increase. It sounded like drums in my ears.

I took a shaky breath in, “No I’ve got it, thank you.”

“It seems like you could use some help, it's a pretty high cabinet.”

I was on my tiptoes. I let out a frustrated sigh and put the bottle in the cabinet. I felt his body detach from mine but he didn't go far. I turned around and was face to face with him. He put his hand on my fridge and leaned over me. He lightly ran his tongue over his front teeth. My face became hot. He smirked at me.

“What’s wrong, Georgie? Are you nervous?” He was close enough that I could smell the alcohol that graced his breath. I grimaced at the scent.

“Nothing, I just…” I thought of what to say. I slipped out from below his gaze and said, “I can just smell the alcohol in your breath.”

He merely chuckled at the remark.

“Anyway, Is that all you came over for?”

“I guess.”

“Well then if that was all then maybe you should go back to your apartment,” I said directing him towards the door. “Get some rest. You’re gonna have a headache tomorrow.”

“I guess so.” He was almost out of the door but then he stopped. “Oh, just one more question,” he said as he turned back to face me. My face began to heat up again. He stepped towards me and got back to that position where he was towering over me. I looked up at him as he stared back down at me with a small smirk gracing his lips.

“Yes, what is it?”

"Can you button my shirt?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowowow look at all of that trash dialogue bahaha wowow an actual conversation that was more than like three sentences :D anyway I hope you enjoyed it lol.


	4. Hangovers and Smokes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I could feel his breath against my face.

“P-Pardon?” I sputtered.

He began to snicker as he examined my shocked look.

“It’s not funny,” I mumbled whilst looking at the floor. 

He chuckled, “It kind of is.” I kept my gaze at the floor. I wasn’t hurt by his banter, I just didn’t need to look at him and feel the blood run to my face. The hairs on the back of my neck were already standing up. That was enough. He wanted me to look at him though, I could feel his gaze on me. I was persistent, however.

After about ten seconds of uncomfortable silence, Clay grew impatient. He took his right hand and grabbed my jaw, tilting it up at him. He had to be feeling the alcohol now. He had never expressed emotion like this towards me before. He wasn’t thinking straight. I was trying to avoid eye contact as my face was tilted up at him but that soon became inevitable. We locked eyes and everything stilled for a moment. I could feel his breath against my face. He was very close. His breathing was slow. Shallow puffs of air were brushing against the bridge of my nose. My heart was beating faster with every breath that came in contact with me.

I blinked away my thoughts and finally broke the silence. “I think you should go home and rest.” He still had my jaw in his grasp. It wasn’t a firm grip, however. My face merely rested in his hand.

“You think so?” his words were beginning to slur. Just barely.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Okay then. Whatever you say, Georgie,” he said. He brushed his thumb over my lips and proceeded to remove his hand from my face. My lips were tingling.

He began to walk towards the door but I stopped him one last time.

“I know you live just across the hall,” I said, “but do be careful. Just get inside and lay in bed, please. Oh, and drink some water.”

“Why don’t you just escort me then?” he responded with a grin placed upon his face.

“You aren’t that drunk, now go.”

“Fine,” he whined. “Bye, Georgie.”

“Bye,” I replied. The door shut and with it, so went my sanity. I couldn’t even think straight anymore. My brain was clouded with Clay and all of his stupid traits and mannerisms.

It was nearing one in the morning now and although my body was exhausted, my mind was wide awake. You would think my thoughts would be all over the place, stirring and keeping my mind awake but they weren’t. They were focused on one thing. One person. One person and all of the things that they brought. I was thinking of his voice. Low and intimidating, yet comforting. I was thinking of his eyes. Not the color of them, however, but the way they made my head spin when they made contact with mine. I was thinking of his lips and the way they held so many secrets and expressions I was yet to witness. His touch. The touch that made my spine quiver and the hairs on my arms stand up. The touch that cradled my jaw and helped me calm down whilst simultaneously making me more nervous than ever before. I was thinking of that stupid nickname he gave me. People have called me Georgie in the past and I always opposed it. Every time. I wanted to tell him to not call me that but I couldn’t. I liked it too much. But why did I like it? Did I like the way it rolled off his tongue? Did I like the way it burned when it rang in my ears? Did I like that it came from him? 

I took a deep breath in, trying to avoid falling farther into the trap of my own mind.

But it was too late.

I started to drift off to sleep, finally. I hoped that would be the end. I hoped that I wouldn’t have to face these thoughts until the morning. I was wrong.

I wasn’t ever much of a dreamer. But Clay managed to change that.

I was reading. It was quiet. I quickly flipped through all of the pages of my book, for I was growing bored of it. That boredom would soon be vanquished as Clay walked through the door. He came over to me and I stood from my seat.

“What are you reading?” he asks, voice filled with interest.

“I’m not really reading anything anymore. I got bored and I couldn’t focus.” I concentrated on his features that were engraved in my mind at this point.

“Well, you seem pretty focused right now,” he said as he took another step closer. My eyes darted around his face. I looked into his eyes for a moment as he inched closer to me. I moved my gaze down to meet his lips as I involuntarily licked mine. He chuckled. “Hungry, Georgie?”

My breath hitched as I felt his hand graze my hip. His hand proceeded to gently touch my hip again and snake up my side. His other hand joined in and he brought both of them to my chest and then to my shoulders. My breath was shaky as I stared back into his eyes. I felt his hands slide down my arms until they reached my wrists. He lightly grabbed my wrists, bringing my arms up and placing my hands on his chest. His exposed chest. He returned his hands to the small of my back and then looked at me.

“What are you doing Clay?”

“Getting ready to kiss you.”

I sat up in my bed with a sharp inhale. I woke up in a cold sweat. It was noon. I took a shower and attempted to ignore the thoughts about the dream I just had. I let the water envelop me as it ran down my skin. I could feel the steam from the water hug my body. I normally didn’t take showers at this time but it felt necessary. I focused on anything that wasn’t Clay but it took a lot of effort.

I turned the shower handle and the water came to a stop. As I stepped out of the shower and dried my hair, I heard the occasional drip of a water droplet hit the shower floor. I put on some clean clothes and went out to the kitchen. I grabbed an apple as a light breakfast and took a bite. Suddenly it hit me.

I should check on Clay.

I had to. I would be a bad person if I didn’t. He would obviously be feeling it now and I wanted to make sure he was at least getting out of bed and drinking water. It felt unnecessary to go to his apartment, however, I didn’t have his number. I guess it’s my only other option. I slipped my phone into my back pocket, put on my shoes, and grabbed my keys along with my wallet. As I was about to head across the hall, I quickly turned back into my apartment and grabbed the painkillers from the medicine cabinet. I then proceeded out the door and across the hall.

All I had to do was knock and make sure he was doing alright. Just knock.

I stood there, blankly staring at the door for about two minutes. Why couldn’t I just knock? I eventually mustered up the courage and raised my fist in front of the door. I tapped on it firmly a couple of times and waited.

There was no reply.

So, I knocked again.

This time, I heard some shuffling. That’s a good sign. The door slowly opened to an even more disheveled Clay. He was wearing the same suit from last night so I assumed he went home and immediately crashed. I’m yet to see him in anything else. He rolled his eyes and groaned. He was obviously very hungover. He turned away from the door and sat on the couch. He never closed the door so I stepped in. It was a mess. There were empty alcohol bottles and cigarette boxes splayed out everywhere. Clothes covered the floor and dishes were living in the sink.

I walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a glass. I went to the dish-filled sink and filled the glass with some water. I placed the glass of water on the countertop and took out two of the white tablets from the bottle. I held the tablets in my right hand and picked up the glass with my left. I walked over to the living room, stepping over loose pieces of clothing and empty glass bottles. I stopped at the couch and saw Clay with a cigarette held between his teeth as he tried to light a match.

The match ignited but before he could light the cigarette I leaned down and blew it out.

“What the fuck?!”

“Here take these,” I said as I extended my arms out towards him. He took the glass of water with one and I dropped the pills into the other. I then grabbed the cigarette out from between his teeth and he looked up at me with a very annoyed expression. “Come on, take them.”

He sighed and threw the pills in his mouth, washing them down with the water I provided. 

“You look like shit,” I said with a slight laugh lacing the words.

“I feel like shit,” he replied.

“You should take a shower and change,” I said. “And after maybe we could go get food.” He just stared at me very unamused. He stood up, set the glass onto the coffee table, and walked to the bathroom. “Is that a yes?” I called out. The only response I received was the sound of a shower starting and the rain of water smacking against the tub.

I smiled to myself, but that smile quickly faded as I examined the room I was in. I let out a hefty sigh and began picking up articles of clothing off of the floor. It was strictly dress clothes. Button downs, dress pants, ties… boxers. Oh. That’s what he wore to sleep. I wondered what he wore to sleep but I never really put it together. I guess he actually wore suits all the time. But why? I pushed away that thought and continued picking up clothes. I didn’t know where the hamper would be so I just made a pile to be put away later. I picked up one last article of clothing to find something buried underneath it. It was a lighter. I shoved the lighter into my pocket and threw the article of clothing into the pile I had made. 

I then began to pick up all of the bottles that littered the floor and put them into the recycling bin. After all of the bottles were recycled, I started to wash the dishes. I didn’t know where they went so I just set them aside on the countertop.

Clay takes long showers.

I finally heard the water turn off as I was finishing up the last few dishes. After about seven more minutes of tidying up, I heard the floorboards creak a bit and the sound of shoes echo into the kitchen of the apartment. Clay walked into the living room and approached me.

He was wearing a black button-down shirt today accompanied by the black dress pants that were very familiar. His shirt wasn’t tucked in or buttoned yet. I felt a shiver down my spine. His hair was dripping as he ran his hand through it and shook it around a bit.

“You picked up my things.”

“Yeah… Sorry if that was rude. It felt awkward to just sit here.” I said.

“No, it’s fine. It looks nicer now anyway. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He was still in a sour mood, obviously, but I understood why. I then walked over to him. I got close. Just like he did a few hours prior.

“What are you doing?” he asked as he looked down at me.

I grabbed the very bottom of the button placket and slid my hands upward until I was met with the bottom button. I proceeded to slide the small plastic disk into the buttonhole and then I looked up at him. “What you asked me to do,” I replied.

A small smile graced his lips. I then continued to button his shirt but stopped far before I got to the top, not letting go of the fabric.

I looked back up at him. “Like that, right?” I asked.

“Been staring at my chest a lot, have you, Georgie?”

I was caught off guard by that comment. I tried to spit out an answer but I was just a stuttering mess. I heard Clay begin to laugh at my flustered response. I was finally yanked out of my attempt at a response when I felt something hit my forehead. A water droplet from Clay’s hair landed on my head and I looked up at him again.

His laughing subsided and he gently wiped the water off of my forehead with his thumb. However, instead of simply removing his hand, I felt his fingertips slide down my temples and to my cheek. He cupped the side of my face in his hand. My hands still lightly gripped his shirt, but involuntarily tightened as he touched my face.

“Holding on for dear life I see,” he said. I loosened my grip on the fabric and let my hands fall back down to my sides. They brushed against the belt secured around his waist on accident. “Wow, Georgie, you are quite touchy today. Go on. Tuck my shirt in for me.”

“Okay, I’m done now,” I said, playfully pushing him away from me. I turned and headed for the door. Clay laughing as he followed behind me. “What do you want to eat?” I asked as we stepped out of the apartment. 

“I’m not hungry right now. I would also most likely throw up if I ate. But I do need to get some things from the store.” To be honest, I wasn’t really hungry either so I was fine with just going to the store. I was curious about what he needed but I would just find out when we got there. He was about to shut the door but realized he forgot something and quickly ran back inside. I stood in the hallway and waited for him to come back out. After a couple of seconds, he stepped back into the hallway and shut the door. 

“What did you forget?” I asked him.

“Nothing important,” he replied.

“Fine, whatever.”

He chuckled as we walked down the hallway over to the stairs. He slid a box of cigarettes into his pocket while we did so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a minute lol. I had school and I was dying <3 anyway, I hope you enjoyed that chapter. :D


	5. Subways and Smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know you aren’t gonna give it back to me no matter how much I beg. Isn’t that right, Georgie?” 
> 
> Beg?

We reached the end of the hallway and began down the stairs. The stairwell was quite small but we walked side by side regardless. I felt his hand brush up against mine and inhaled sharply. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye to see if he noticed but he didn’t seem to acknowledge it.

Why did I even care? Why did I even think anything of it? He accidentally touched my hand. That was all.

We made it to the bottom of the stairs and went out of the front door. As we stepped outside, the air pressed against my cheeks. It wasn’t particularly cold outside, but it wasn’t hot either. The slight breeze caused debris to brush against my face.

Clay and I walked side by side all the way to the subway station. I looked down, watching as my feet covered various cracks in the sidewalk. Every so often I would fall behind. Clay was very tall. I would have to speed up a little, for I was scared to ask him to slow down. Eventually, he noticed my struggle and began to chuckle.

“Are you struggling?” he laughed.

“No, I am doing just fine.”

“It doesn’t seem like it. Seems like Georgie can’t keep up.”

“I can keep up. Watch me,” I replied. I began to quicken my pace and walk at his side, but he noticed this and did the same. He began to take larger and quicker strides causing me to fall behind. He got to the corner, stopped, and then turned to look at me.

“Oh come on now, really? That was your best shot?” he began to laugh a little. It was weird to see this side of him. He presented himself as very rough around the edges but this was different. This smile was different. It was soft, and light. His smile was usually manipulative and intimidating but not this time. This one was pretty. I liked it.

“Yes, it was. But if you walked normally I would be able to keep up.”

“I highly doubt that,” he said as we began walking down the steps at the entrance of the subway station. He reached the bottom first, granted he stepped down multiple steps at a time. He turned around to see me step down the last few steps and then he put a hand on my shoulder. I flinched at the sudden contact. He pulled me in a bit and then he spoke again. “Oh come on Georgie, you can’t even go down steps at a decent pace. Do you need me to carry you?” He stared into my eyes, chuckled, and began walking to the turnstiles.

I stood there for a moment, somewhat dumbfounded, and then quickly stepped over to where he was standing as he was digging through his wallet for his MetroCard. I pulled mine out before he did, swiped it, and stepped through. An idea then popped in my head and before I thought it through it was already happening.

“Look, I’m ahead of you now,” I said to him as he swiped the card.

“Wow, that’s a first,” he replied as he pushed the metal bar and walked through the turnstile.

I should have moved out of the way or just kept walking but I don’t know why I didn’t. He got through the turnstile and I took my hands and gripped each side of his collar. I pulled him in close to my face. Close enough that I could feel his breath on my eyelashes. Oddly enough it was quite empty despite it being the middle of the day, but, I didn’t even care about the few people peppered throughout the subway station. 

“See, I told you that you don’t need to carry me,” I said as I tightened my grip and pulled him in just a bit more.

I smiled at his expression. My breath was shaky, for I didn’t know what to do at that point. He looked at my cheeks and followed my freckles that littered them. I watched as his gaze moved down to my lips for a moment and then back up to my eyes.

As I heard more people clamoring down into the station, I let go of his shirt and walked down the platform. He quickly followed behind me. I went down towards the end of the platform to hopefully be on a less crowded subway car. There weren’t many people anyway so I didn’t think it would be an issue. My walking came to a stop and I looked over to see Clay coming towards me as well. I pulled out my phone just so I could do something while we were waiting.

About five minutes went by and I saw movement out of my peripheral vision. I glanced up from my phone and saw Clay walking forward towards the edge of the platform. He stopped, standing at the very edge. Toes almost over this side as he leaned forward a bit as if that would help the train come faster. It made me nervous. 

“No,” is all I said as I stepped on the bumpy yellow tile. I grabbed the back of his collar and pulled him backward. 

“What?” he asked.

“Don’t stand on the edge dumbarse, that’s dangerous.” He simply laughed at my comment. “Why are you laughing?”

“First of all, I am not four, I am fine. And second of all-”

We heard the sound of the train approaching and both looked in the direction of the gradually increasing noise. We waited a moment until the train came into view and came to a stop. The doors of the train opened and only one person walked off. We stepped into the car and to our surprise it was empty. It is never empty at this time in the day. I didn’t mind though.

We were in the car and the doors closed. I sat down in one of the many empty seats and Clay stood holding on to one of the few poles that littered the train.

Then I remembered.

“Second of all what?” I asked.

“Oh yeah,” he began, “dumbarse.” He just smirked at me as he mocked my accent.

“Yeah? What about it?”

“Your accent.”

“Yes?”

He sat down in the seat directly across from me. He was practically manspreading. He then put his elbows on his knees and leaned in my direction. “Nothing, I’m just making an observation.”

“You’re annoying.”

“Why am I annoying?” he asked in a low tone.

“You just are. You’re a headache,” I said, subtly rolling my eyes.

“Well, that’s what you get for not giving me my lighter back.”

“What?”

“I know you have my lighter. You have to have found it considering you cleaned my entire apartment, but I know you aren’t gonna give it back to me no matter how much I beg. Isn’t that right, Georgie?” 

Beg?

My neck got hot. Not because I had been caught. Some other reason.

I swallowed, “You would be correct.”

“Oh come on now,” he said under his breath. I heard it regardless.

I was getting flustered. This was yet another side of Clay that I was not familiar with.

I just pulled out my phone and went to Twitter to get my mind off of what happened. I felt the train swerving and rumbling beneath me and I decided to just sit and be quiet until we got off. 

“This next one is our stop,” Clay said as he stood up. He grabbed onto one of the bars on the roof of the train and looked down at me. “What are you waiting for?”

I stood up and grabbed onto the bar as well. It was kind of high but not high enough to make it look like I was struggling. The train slowed and came to an aggressive stop. My body shifted a bit due to the sudden loss in momentum but I grounded myself.

The doors opened and we stepped out of the train. We walked down the platform and through the exit turnstile. We walked up the stairs and were finally back above ground. We were quite far away from the apartment now but it didn’t take that long to get here. We walked another block to get to the store. This store was bigger than the one I went to last time. It had more than just food and groceries. It was like a small Target.

I didn’t need anything from the store so I just followed Clay around. He got some toothpaste first and some hand soap. I don’t understand why we came here instead of the market just a few blocks away but I didn’t really mind going places with Clay. He walked over to where the medicine was and grabbed a bottle of Advil. He went through a few more isles and he found a pack of four Bic lighters. Of course. He grabbed one package and walked out of the aisle where they were stocked.

“Why are you getting lighters? I have yours.” I asked him. 

“Yeah, but you said you aren’t planning on giving it back.”

I watched as he walked down various isles, browsing the shelves but not picking anything. I couldn’t think of anything else he could have possibly needed. Suddenly, he walked down the cosmetics aisle. I expected him to just mosey through it as he had been doing but he stopped.

He turned and faced the shelves for a second and scanned the items that lined them. His gaze stopped on a bottle of black nail polish. He then grabbed it off of the shelf and added it to his assortment of items.

Did he wear nail polish? My body felt hot as the heat began pulsing throughout it. He noticed the subtle look of shock that was placed on my face.

“Yeah, I paint my nails, Georgie. I ran out like two weeks ago or something and I didn’t have the chance to get more.”

I simply nodded at the statement.

There was a bit of an uncomfortable silence but it was broken again by Clay.

“I also used eyeliner for a bit,” my body tensed at the thought of Clay with eyeliner when he said that. He noticed this and inched closer to me. “What? Do you like the sound of that, hm? Is that something you want to see on me, Georgie?”

I could not breathe. He knew. My face was hot and I could feel color paint my pale cheeks. He chuckled and went to the self-checkout to pay. I walked behind him, but at a distance. 

He filled the plastic bags with his items and walked out of the store. The second we stepped out of the store, I saw him pull a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He dug through the bag and found the pack of Bic lighters and opened it. He pulled one of the lighters out and attempted to ignite it a few times. After the third attempt, a flame appeared and he held it to the paper poison.

His chest rose as his lungs became infested with smoke. He glanced over at me and held eye contact as I saw a small puff of smoke exit his nose whilst a long string left his mouth at the same time. I sighed at the sight, knowing that this was not good for him. He couldn’t care less.

We walked back to the subway station, and things seemed a little tenser this time. 

As we arrived at the steps to enter the station, I grabbed the cigarette from Clay’s mouth and put it out with my foot. I didn’t even look at him. I just kept walking.

We waited for the train to arrive and I observed my surroundings. There were more people now rather than earlier. I thought about how these people felt. Did they just move to New York and were they loving it, or have they lived here for years and let the carbon emissions erode the fun?

I heard the loud whir of the train and the screech of the breaks. The doors slid open and we stepped into the train. There were other people on it this time but not too many that there was nowhere to sit. I sat in one of the plastic seats and pulled out my phone. Clay sat across from me with his bag. I felt his gaze on me but I ignored it. 

I kept messing around on my phone.

The ride went on.

A couple of stops went by. I could feel him looking at me the entire time. Staring.

The train stopped and I heard a few people walk off. The doors closed, and the train started to move again. I looked up and scanned the train. We were alone again. This was very uncommon. I didn’t know if I liked it or not. I looked back down at my phone but I still couldn’t shake off the feeling of his gaze. I finally looked up again and made eye contact.

His gaze suffocated me.

I couldn’t take my eyes away from his. I couldn’t look at his hair or the creases in his suit. I couldn’t look at his hands and his unpolished nails. Only his eyes. They were so dull yet so captivating. I wonder what other people saw. 

I do believe that I have a dull outlook on life and I know that my vision ties into it. However, sometimes I think that my vision makes the way I look at things better. Even though I couldn’t wallow in the full beauty of his eyes, it didn’t take away the feeling. I couldn’t see his eyes at their full beauty but I could feel them. I was lucky. My vision let me examine Clay's eyes and make them my own. I want to be closer. I want to be close enough to see the different array of dull hues that were etched into his eyes. I wanted to be close.

The train came to a stop and the loss in momentum propelled me forward and then sharply back. I still didn't break eye contact. Not yet. I wanted to drown in his eyes a little longer. The doors opened and I looked away. We stood up and walked out.

I could breathe again.

We walked back to the apartment. Nothing interesting happened. Just some light chatting. I was a little sad to go home, but I knew I would see him again. We approached the outside steps of the apartment and went inside.

Once we approached the doors to our apartment, there was an uncomfortable silence. I didn’t know what to say.

“Thanks for helping me this morning,” Clay said, finally breaking the silence.

“Oh yeah, of course. Also, please eat something.”

“Why? Are you worried about me, Georgie?” My face began to heat up.

I swallowed, “Yes I am, actually.” He set his bag by the door and walked closer to me. Why does he always do this? Is this funny to him?

“Well, how are you supposed to know if I’ve eaten?”

I knew what he wanted, “Just ask for it, Clay,” I could see his body tense at the mention of his name. He liked it.

“Just give it to me, George.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, welcome to me struggling for the past three weeks lol. School can leave I don't need it. It just makes my life difficult and for what? I listened to a lot of lore music, though :D. If that doesn't scream mentally stable, I don't know what does. Anyway, sorry for taking so long rip. I don't even like what I wrote anyway smh. BUT I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT IT I JUST DIED /j. my teachers are being cool and giving us less work though so hopefully I won't go mia again :] Whateva, enjoy luvs.


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